Subject: Four Presidents

We' re Off to See the Wizard!

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado and off they
whirled to the land of OZ.

The! y final ly made it to the Emerald City
and went to find the Great Wizard

What brings the 4 of you before
the great Wizard of Oz?

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
I've come for some

No Problem! said the Wizard. Who's next?
Richard Nixon stepped forward,
Well, I think I need a heart.

Done! says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?

Up stepped Bush and said,
I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
No problem! said the Wizard.
Consider it done.
Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,
But he doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
Well, what do you want?




                  A MANAGEMENT LESSON!

  Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office... but she
  belonged to someone else...

  One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll
  give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

  But the girl said "NO."

  Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
  down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

  She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
  boyfriend.... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

  Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he
  won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the

  Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend
  to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what
  happened...She said "The bastard used quarters!"

  Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety
  before agreeing to it and getting screwed!


             Subject: Poor Little Thing...

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,   P. Niss

          The Response:

Dear P.Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the
assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V. Gina


                  Dogs Know

      Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?

      Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even twenty miles away?

      Do you remember hearing that, before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?

      I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.

      And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.

      Simply said, a good ol' hound dog just KNOWS when something isn't right . .. . when impending doom is upon us . . .




A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that
she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we
begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name,
address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "what is
your occupation?"

"I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No,
that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite
chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do
with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is." 


                                                                  REAL BAD FISH'IN JOKES  {LOL}

What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!!!! (I told you they were bad)

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut it's nose off

What is the fastest fish in the sea?

What did the mummy sardine say to her children when they saw a submarine?
Don't worry, it's only a tin of people.

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?

What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool?
Show me your mussels.

How do you kiss a pike?
Very carefully

What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.

What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk?
A pike going on holiday.

Fly-fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend"


Why do they call him 'River'?
Because the biggest part of him is his mouth.

What do you get is you cross a rose with a pike?
I don't know but I wouldn't put my nose too close to smell it

Why did the salmon cross the road?
Because it was tied to the chicken.

Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?
Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades.

Why do they call him 'Fish'?
Because he cannot keep his mouth shut.

How do I avoid infection from biting insects?
That's easy - don't bite them

What is the wettest animal in the world?
A reindeer.

What lives under the sea and carries a lot of people?
An Octobus

Where do you find a crab with no legs?
Exactly where you left it.

What is yellow and dangerous?
Pike infested custard.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer?
A four ton know it all.

Why did the lobster blush?
It saw the Queen Mary's bottom

Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the sea weed.


Why are fish smarter than mice?
Because they live in schools.

What fish terrorises other fish?
Jack the Kipper

What should you do if you find a shark in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.

What do you call a pike with a gun?

What do you call a Shark with a rocket launcher?
Anything he tells you to.

What do you call a deaf pike.
Anything you like he cannot hear you.

How do you stick down an envelope under the water?
With a seal.

What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.

What can fly under the water?
A bluebottle in a submarine

What has antlers and sucks your blood?
A Moose-quito

Little boy what are you fishing for?
I'm not fishing, I'm drowning worms

What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed up squid.

What do you call a baby whale that never stops crying?
A little blubber

What kind of sea creature eats its victims two by two?
Noah's shark

What side of a fish has the most scales?
The outside.

What swims and is highly dangerous?
A trout with a hand grenade.

What did one sardine say to the other sardine when it saw a submarine?
There goes a can full of people.


What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather

What fish terrorises other fish?
Jack the Kipper

What do you give a seasick elephant?
Lots of room

Mother: Have you given the goldfish fresh water today?
Son: No, they haven't finished the water I gave them yesterday.

What fish are musical?
Tuna fish.

Where do ghosts swim in North America?
In Lake Erie.

Don't swim in the sea, A shark just bit off my foot!
Which one?
I don't know. All sharks look the same to me.

Mummy why can't I go swimming in the sea?
Because there are sharks in the sea.
But Mummy, Daddy is swimming in the sea.
That's different he is insured.

What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha fish infested waters?
It came back with a skeleton crew.

What whizzes along a riverbed on three wheels?
A motor-Pike and a side-Carp.

Where do fish wash?
In a river basin

Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.

What is the best fish on ice?
A skate.

Why did the trout cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.




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